I’m tired of never being good enough. Every relationship I’ve been in has either ended badly or never really began. Its not easy being gay in high school. It is SO much harder and VERY FEW people realize it. People always say, “Things will get better. You’ll find the right one.” No, I don’t want to wait. I don’t want a fairytale…I just want to be loved and cherished. I want to feel important to someone. My friends are great but its nowhere near the same thing. My parents….well, its NOWHERE near the same thing either. I feel like I’m so alone when it comes to this. Where can I turn to? I’m so tired of people telling me to be patient and to wait and so much…shit. I damn well deserve to finally, for once in my life, be the object of someone’s desire. I’ve been through enough hell in my life for one bit of happiness that might actually last and that I don’t have to hide from anyone. All of my heart, mind and soul is poured into giving other people advice and guidance towards their relationships…why can’t I ask that from someone? Is this just some demented joke that’s being played on me for defying God’s will? If so, I don’t want to be a part of it. I never chose this life. I know this might sound conceited, right? But you can never really understand what things are like for other people until you live in their shoes. I understand that other’s lives aren’t great either…but there has got to be something to turn it around. I can only be pushed so far and I’m so close to my breaking point.
Just when you think you learn your lesson, just when you think they’ll stop
fucking messing up, they bring your hopes down once again. Tragically depressing, horrifically incapable of showing, insanely exempt from speaking. One day, you will be able to open your eyes and fix what you’ve done wrong. I may need to walk out of your life without looking back…anything that needs to be done. As of now, you both don’t make me feel needed and sure as hell don’t make me seem as important as you say.